The Dark Knight Kicks Avenger Ass

My most anticipated movie of the year was Prometheus. For more then a year since I heard about the project I could not wait to see it in an IMAX theater near me. The biggest reason was because it could be something of a prequel to the Alien franchise. I loved the idea that Ridley Scott would return to the
sci-fi genre (of which he also made what many to consider a classic also in Blade Runner) and expand on the story of the ”Space Jockey”. If you don’t know what I’m talking about go back and watch Alien and then catch Prometheus if its still in theaters. Trust me if you watch Prometheus without watching Alien you won’t appreciate half of the movie. Anyway, the movie was a good film. It wasn’t an all-time great film but it was a fun story. And I got nods to Alien so I left very happy with the film.

Up until that point I had literally zero excitement for the Dark Knight Rises. Which is odd for me cause I am a huge fan of the director Christopher Nolan. He is, to me, the director I will remember when I’m older. Like how people remember Alfred Hitchcock and his series of films it is how I will remember Nolan. The man just does not make a bad film. Check out Momento, The Dark Knight, Inception, and my personal favorite from his filmography The Prestige. Even his crappy films like Insomnia are pretty good.

And again that is why I found it weird I was so unexcited for the Dark Knight Rises. I saw the trailer before the Avengers movie (The one the Chef saw at least 5 times, yes I outed you) and I was still very under whelmed by the trailer. Sure I was going to see it but I was not hyped up about it like Prometheus or even the previous Batman film The Dark Knight.

Then about a week ago my guy at work, who is a huge comic book nerd, came to me and said he heard the movie was beyond amazing and that the ending was insanely good. At that moment I got really excited for this movie. Something just clicked in me and all of a sudden I could not wait to see it on Saturday. My excitement kind of got sidetracked a little by the fact that the New York Times gave the movie a great review. My logic is that the only movie the NY Times like are indie flicks made for less then $20,000, movies that will not make any mainstream money, or movies with classic themes or settings. They absolutely dislike any mainstream film, especially those made for $100 million+. I was worried if they liked them film then something must be wrong with it. Cause there was no way the Times could like a film that I would wind up liking.

Still I woke up on Saturday picked up my girlfriend, and the Chef and drove to the nearest IMAX outside the city. We got in line an hour before the showing and got our seats third row from the back dead center of the screen. The next three hours were a blur. All I remember is that starting with the last 10 minutes of the film I just sat in that theater with biggest smile on my face and it stayed there right through the credits. I was just so happy. One of those pure moments of happiness that I can say is as close to when you do something you have on your bucket list without it being on the list. It was the perfect end to one of the best movie trilogies ever. Not just comic book trilogies, but movie trilogies.

Ladies and gentleman I give you….

THE BEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR

Now usually people will write stuff like “spoiler alert” and crap like that and I will too. But the reality is I’m going to blab about every single point in the movie. So if you have not watched it yet and are planning on going to see it, in the words of the Chef, DON’T BE A FUCKTARD AND STOP READING HERE. Completely on a tangent here, that was my shout out to the Chef and her overuse of the f-bomb. I apologize to my readers who expect me not to swear, and now return you to your regularly scheduled blog.

The opening scene while pretty awesome in its idea didn’t really wow me in any way. But it established Bane as more then a regular ho-hum baddie. For me, I starting smiling right at the part where James Blake goes to meet with Bruce Wayne and tells him his life story. As soon as I heard that I thought to myself that guy is Robin. HOLY BEEP that guy is Robin. At that point the little fanboy in me kind of hoped that Robin would actually put the suit on which would have been a super geek out moment but I’m ok with not seeing him after the way the ending went.

Just a little tangent but does it seem to anyone else that Batman is probably the all-time worst person at keeping his identity secret? He might as well have been Tony Stark and announce it on TV. Freakin no name beat cop James Blake figures it out. Bane knows. Talia knows. Catwoman knows. Lucious Fox knows. The sad part is the COMMISSIONER of the Gotham police department had no idea Bruce Wayne is Batman. You would think as commissioner he would be the best detective out there. And yet he was the last one to figure it out and Batman had to basically tell him who he was.

Anyway back to the movie. One of the great parts for me being a comic book fan is the movie alluding to storylines I had read years ago. Specifically the Knightfall storyline that introduced Bane into the Batman comics. For those who don’t know in the comics Bane is a frail weak looking prisoner who agrees to have an experimental drug tested on him called venom. It causes him to grow and have enormous strength, and physical abilities. He eventually sets his sites on Batman and in his greatest moment breaks the Batman’s back and sends him into retirement. Obviously in the comic he eventually comes back but at the time Bruce Wayne as Batman is put on the shelf for a good two years. It was a pretty great comic moment. One of the most remembered. So it was pretty awesome to see Batman have the same thing done to him in the movie. It was almost a shot for shot copy of the same event in the comic and I completely geeked when I saw it onscreen.

OUCH

From there the movie just got better. From Bane fulfilling his prophesy and destroying Gotham and giving it back to the people to the awesome cameo appearance of Cillian Murphy as Scarecrow which got the biggest cheer of the night from the audience. Then you get to the last 40 minutes and it was just a rollercoaster of chaos that came together in a beautiful way that was a perfect denouement for the entire trilogy. Catwoman was a great little foil in this end sequence as she constantly tries to convince Batman his sacrifice will never be appreciated by the people of Gotham. Only to eventually be won over by Batman’s belief in the people of Gotham. To Talia Al Ghul’s surprise appearance as it turned out she was the child to escape from the prison and not Bane. She had come to fulfill her father’s wish. To the end where Batman sacrifices himself to save everyone cause it’s the right thing to do. In the end the people believe he dies a hero restoring his name. I teared up at the end where Alfred  was apologizing the Thomas and Martha Wayne saying he failed them and he could not save their son. I wanted to go hug Alfred and say, “Its not your fault”. Only to be left with him going to the café and seeing his “son” Bruce and Selina sitting at a table just as he had always hoped he would. But the best part was the end where the Wayne fortunes are divided and James Blake goes to collect what was left to him from the Wayne estate. He says his real name is Robin. He then goes under the mansion and enters the Batcave where a wave of Bats come at him. At first scared, he stands up copying the iconic scene from Batman Begins leaving us with the belief that, maybe Batman isn’t gone.

Not this. I hate you Joel Schumacker

At that point my jaw started hurting from all the smiling I did. All I can say is I hate award shows cause all they are is a bunch of old white people voting for stuff they like that was popular 30 years ago. Examples like Esperanza Spalding winning a Grammy over Justin Beiber or The Hurt Locker beating Avatar for best picture a couple of years back. Granted I have not seen many movies beyond what is in the theater, but if this movie is not the best picture of the year who knows what is wrong with those guys. Seriously if nothing else it should get best picture like Lord Of The Rings: Return Of The King did several years back. Not because it was the best film in the trilogy (Obviously the Dark Knight was the best) but as a cumulative honor for Nolan’s amazing trilogy of films.

Thank you for your work sir, cause it is truly an honor to see your greatness onscreen.

Oh and just a quick reason as to why I named this post ”The Dark Knight Kicks Avenger Ass”. Up until this movie The Avengers was my favorite movie of the year. But this movie surpassed it in my view for one very important reason. The Avengers movie while great fun it never took itself to seriously. Granted it was never meant to as it was meant to be a fun team up story. That’s cool. But it never felt like anything the Avengers did had any real consequence. Yes Loki destroyed a lot of New York but that happens to this city on a regular basis. In the end the Avengers would win and the bad guys would lose. In The Dark Knight Rises everything a character does has a consequence. Whether its Gordon putting a jacket over a young Bruce Wayne’s shoulder to Batman’s willingness to sacrifice his reputation and relationships in order to do not what is popular but what is right. In the end you feel like the choices they make have real effect. That is why I named the post that way.

We'll always have Shawarma

If you have a different opinion I would love to hear it. No really I would. I might think you are a delirious nutbag but I’d still listen.

NO SHAWARMA FOR YOU!!!!!!

Did I love The Dark Knight Rises and cream my panties all the way through? Yeah. Guilty. There are not many flaws I can find in this film because I didn't go into it with huge expectations. I watched the trailer more than 5 times because it previewed before other films, besides The Avengers, and I didn't think it was anything special. It was quiet. Understated. And I was afraid I would do one of my famous narcoleptic snoozes as soon as the lights went off and the movie started.  Thankfully, it surprised me and I remained wide-eyed and quite awake the entire time. Where to begin? If you haven't seen this movie yet, skip the review because J pretty much picked out all the OMFG moments. 

Well, as realistic as the movie was made out to be there were some "Seriously?" scenes for me. For example, if a huge group of men were trapped in a sewer for 3 months with minimal food and water being supplied to them, I don't think they would come up (once freed) with pristine uniforms, freshly shaved faces, and without a homeless fly buzzing around the funk that 3 months living in a sewer will plaster you with. That bugged me. Have any of you ever been near a sewer? It's not a place anyone would want to spend any amount of time in, and imagining a large group of men stuck down there for several months is gag-inducing. So, that scene irked me, as did the one where all these thousands of brave officers stormed out and charged at Bane's automatic-weapon-wielding army with nothing but their blues and batons. o_0 And not one of them was hit with a bullet until the got within a few feet. That whole scenario needed tweeking.

Other than those little details, this film made me feel something. What does that mean exactly? The Avengers made me feel all kinds of things- mostly happy and horny. (Thank you, casting director!!) The Dark Knight Rises made me actually care what happened to this broken shell of a super hero. One thing people tend to forget sometimes is that Batman is quite human. He's got all kinds of nifty gadgets and super pricey vehicles that take his brand of Bad-Assery up several levels beyond Platinum, but he has no super powers. When he gets hurt, he has to heal just like any one of us....albeit in a super fancy mansion.

Being human, life takes him up and down. He goes from blinking anything he could possibly want into existence, to losing his money, his company, his sports cars, and his damn butler!!! Talk about a change of lifestyle. His body is broken. What more can happen to this man that hasn't already come around and kicked him in the balls with a steel-toed boot? Let's not even get into him mourning after Ugg-face Rachel (previously played by Maggie Gyllenhaal). To add insult to injury, Alfred goes ahead and pops Bruce's Emo bubble when he admits to him that he burned a letter from Rachel telling him she was going to stay with Harvey. (But, can we still be friends?)

I'm telling you, the man was put through the ringer....which makes his rise all the more iconic. I am creaming over how dark this movie got. There are scenes where I would've done a swan dive into the shallow end of the Bat Cave inside pool, but our superhero is resilient. And as someone who has not read any of the comics, I enjoyed it in more ways than I thought I could. The ending was satisfying . Beyond satisfying, really. It was so good, it made my toes curl and had me looking for a smoke afterwards....and a turkey sandwich.

Although Christian "Anger Management" Bale did a great job portraying Batman, the one who stole the show (in my opinion) was none other than Joseph Gordon-Levitt. What a way this kid has come since 3rd Rock From the Sun! I absolutely drooled over him in Inception and I fell in love with him in 50/50. He's versatile, funny, and he brought this character to life in The Dark Knight. Even if he didn't end up being who is was revealed to be in this movie (I refuse to say it!) I'd watch this movie again to see him. Catwoman was just "meh" for me. I think the sexiest Catwoman is still Michelle Pfeiffer. Anne Hathaway did a good job of raising her leg straight up into the air as often as a scene would allow, and that's about it. Gary Oldman was flawless. I dig Gary. He's such an amazing actor. Michael Caine with his ever endearing Cockney accent is always a favorite of mine, and I was quietly sniffling like a baby at the end of the film during the burial scene. Tom Hardy was a-ight.

Why This Move Is NOT Better Than The Avengers:

It's apples and oranges here. Can you say The Shawshank Redemption is better than The Hangover? If you're looking for substance, Shawshank has it hands down. If you want to laugh your ass off while tripping balls- I'm pulling The Hangover off my shelf for that one! The Avengers is one type of superhero movie- fun, visually titillating, and expected to be wrapped up in a tidy little bow after the 2.5 hours it's been running. It's the after-workout meal that had just the right amount of protein, carbs, and vitamins your body is looking for to feel replenished. The Dark Knight is meaty and rich. You need to chew on it and take your time. It's to be savored and enjoyed more than once in order for you to get the best out of it. Is a workout meal better than a porterhouse? There is a time for everything.

The bottom line is that there is NO COMPARISON.

The Avengers was awesome for what it was and will always be awesome in my eyes for my own personal reasons. (The RDJ / ChefQueenie love child will become a reality one day!) The Dark Knight tugged on every emotion within me, and in my opinion, The Dark Knight Rises is the best out of the 3 within the Trilogy. (Sorry, Heath. You did well, too, but not as good as this movie as a whole.)

No F-bombs dropped, my friend.

Well, almost made it F-Bomb free.