Could You Please Just Stop Annoying Me?

 I feel like the Chef and myself in the first few blogs haven’t really written about anything fun. Sure her and I find the stuff we write about interesting, but maybe you, our loyal audience would like something a little more frivolous. I know, The Hunger Games,
Transformers, and the like are not exactly world peace but they are stuff that everyone has written about. So this blog is a little more just for laughs. It is going to be about pet peeves.

 We’ve all got them. We all hate them. Especially the ones that annoy us personally that seem like everyone should understand why they are so annoying. I’m looking at you kid who asks me to buy candy when I walk into my supermarket and also when I walk out even though I said I didn’t want candy the first time. Did you really think I changed my mind in the 20 minutes I was buying my bag of Doritos? Sorry, I got off on a tangent. So the format of this will just be a pick 5 pet peeves list them here and why they are so annoying. Cause if there wasn’t a limit of 5 this would be the blog that never ends cause you could add to it forever. FYI I am not sharing this list with the Chef before she writes hers. So if we happen to have the same ones it is because we both are smart people who hate those really annoying people.  

 And now in no particular order my five pet peeves.

1. The person who stands in the door of a subway car. You know who I’m talking about. He or she is standing right there when the traincar door opens blocking your only viable entrance/exit from our sardine can we call transportation. And they just don’t seem to get that they need to MOVE OUT OF THE WAY TO LET PEOPLE BY. Seriously, dude you sit for 9 hours a day at work and you do not need to lean your ass in front of some ones face just because you don’t want to go in the car and hold the bars. And this person leads too:
2. The person who tries getting into the train instead of letting people off. You definitely know this person. Usually you are getting off the train and you see this person standing directly in front of the train door and it has not even opened yet. But the second that door opens they will shoulder block your mother, grandmother, and the President to get into that car before you get off. And why? Almost always because they want that one seat that becomes available when someone gets off. They are what I like to call seat-seeking missiles. They want that seat and they all of a sudden become Usain Bolt in order to get it.
3. Elevator Guy. This is my personal all-time favorite pet peeve. You work in the same building everyday and you get off on the same floor everyday. But you get in the elevator and press 9. But you work on 8. Then gob smacked by your own stupidity once you realize you have pressed the wrong floor you go back and press the proper floor. Then only problem is I work on 11. So now I am punished because you didn’t put your brain in your head today and I have to delay my day 20 seconds while you get off trying to not be embarrassed by your dumbness.
4. Cellphones in movies. This is an easy one. They say no less then 3 times before any movie to silence your cellphones. And yet people still don’t. I understand everyone is waiting for that important call. But you do not need to be whispering loudly that you are in the movies, or telling a person you’ll meet up with them later. You just paid $17 for some crappy non-IMAX movie so why don’t you just sit there and suffer like the rest of us and just watch Contagion. Or at least have the courtesy to fall asleep.
5. The family that walks down the street hand in hand. This one is personal since I work in Midtown Manhattan which is already crowded. The sidewalks are pretty large to accommodate a larger number of people. Still space is hard to come by. And it is especially hard to come by when you walk five across taking up all of Fifth Avenue. You have Mom, Dad, two kids, and Grandma taking up the whole block not letting anyone by. And the worst part is you walk right into the middle of this wall of annoyance and THEY DON’T STOP HOLDING HANDS. They actually expect everyone to walk around them. On a personal aside when I see said family coming down the street I will purposely change course and walk right in the middle of this pack and break them up just because I want too.

 Oh and just for the hell of it cause I like this one:

6.   Bad Tippers. I could right a whole story about bad tippers but needless to say for     those of you who cannot grasp the concept of tipping I genuinely do not like you.

Pet Peeves are in the perception of the peeved. Certain things that people can generally just disregard can potentially tip off a postal meltdown. 


Here are my Top 5 (today). As does the weather, mine tends to change every now and again.

Group Meals w/ the Cheapskate: Often when groups of people eat together out at a restaurant, the total of the meal along with the tip is divided equally among the diners, regardless who ordered what. Which mean, the jackass who ordered the shrimp cocktail app, the filet mignon, and the creme brulee dessert will pay the same amount as the idiot on a diet who ordered a salad and tap water. It sucks, but such is the social etiquette in those situations. Once in a while, you get a group who trusts everyone to pay their share. That means, add up your food, your drinks, tap on the tax AND a GROUP TIP which is usually 18% or higher. It doesn't mean throwing a $20 down when your food alone is already clocking in at $17.85. You're barely covering tax and most certainly skimping out on the tip. And if you partook in the group appetizer that was ordered for the table along with the group dessert and had a couple of glasses of the bottles of wine, you better damn well sure kick in your share for that. But, we all know that cheap fuck who doesn't, and when the money is tallied after everyone has kicked in their share it's always short. And we all know, more or less, who didn't put in their fair share. Call it being polite, or nice, or not wanting to make a scene, but that Scrooge is rarely ever called out and the rest of the table usually ponies up the missing cash. To that asshole, I say, "Fuck you, tight-wad. If you can't afford to throw in your share, then get a separate bill, keep your fork out of the communal dishes, and not one drop of that bottled wine better wet your glass. Better yet, skip dinner and meet up with everyone after." No one likes a cheapskate.


Bad Parenting: Coming from the point of view of a single, childless 30-something-year-old woman who has young nieces and nephews, I've had my fair share of the Child Experience. I've babysat. I've gone to children's parties. I've visited newborns. I've gone to school plays, dance recitals, and karate tournaments. I've done it all for the sake of my family and friends, and their youngins. I don't venture out to super public places like malls and movie theaters early Saturday or Sunday mornings. The streets are running rampant with ill-mannered, poorly-disciplined little humans. They touch what they shouldn't, they scream, they are rude to other people, and often have a begging, pleading, ineffective mother or father following closely behind them. Let's face it; these young folk have the run of the area and anyone else around can be damned. This isn't how it was when I grew up- if I didn't behave myself, I was dragged back home, spanked on my bottom, grounded, and was not allowed to go out on the next outing. If I chose to conduct myself like an animal, then I'd be left at home like an animal since I couldn't be trusted to behave appropriately in public. And I learned fast. Sadly, this isn't the case anymore and parenting these days is lax, at best. I don't hate kids. I just hate the adults who don't know how to rear them responsibly. Until I find myself being tasked with the challenge of raising small humans myself, I'll stick to my midnight movies and late night, child-free dinners. Call me what you will, but I still enjoy eating a meal without having to stop every two minutes to keep the food on someone elses plate. I've dined with many parents who have had well-behaved awesome restaurant babies. The task isn't impossible, it just takes a little more work on the parent's part. If you can't put in the work to ensure your child behaves for one hour at a table, then you should stick to fast food enterprises with the Golden Arches. I promise I won't bother you with my annoyance with their lack of a wine list at these places, if you promise your toddler won't be hurling spaghetti across the dining room at better eateries. Deal? 

 Everyone Is An Idiot; Except ME!- Here's another guy we all know. He has an opinion about everyone's opinion and how moronic they all are- except, of course, for his opinion. Are you a super-religious bible-thumping freak? Well, he's a super-soapbox-preaching Atheist. And while he has a million reason why your beliefs are ludicrous and how YOU need to be open to other possibilities, his beliefs that believing in ANYTHING supersedes any other possibility out there, so shut up and start thinking what he thinks! I'm a pretty good listener, even to the those I don't agree with, but I think I possess enough patience to hear them out and give their views some thought. This moron will only hear you out long enough to make fun of whatever it is you're trying to express, and will talk over everything else you want to say by drowning you out in a flood of their own unwavering viewpoints. When faced with this dick, do what I do. Smile. Nod. And excuse yourself by any means necessary. Nothing you say will change their mind. Anything you say will be attacked. And they will forever exist in their own mind as the end-all of all things worldly. Walk away with a smile, and mutter, "What a jackass..."


Bad Service/Rude Customers: I don't care if you're a ticket taker at a movie theater, a waiter as a fancy restaurant, a cashier at Chipotle, or a doorman at some swanky hotel. You are paid to provide good, friendly customer service, and you better do it with a damn smile. If I ask nicely for my Coke to come without ice, then please pay attention and leave out the ice. If you smile at me while you open the door for me, I'll smile back and say thank you. I've worked retail. I've worked customer service for private companies. I've even done collections. It's not a fun line of work to be in, but I approached it with a smile everyday, always reminding myself that I could easily be the customer on the other end of the experience, expecting great service. Obviously, if this doesn't sound very appealing to you, then this isn't the line of work you need to be in. On the flip side, don't be a complete asshole to the cashier on the other side of the register when it's your turn to be the customer. These are working people, paid poorly, and have hundreds of people come through day after day. Smile. Say 'thank you'. And for fuck's sake, be polite to them, as you would have them be polite and friendly towards you. That could be your little sister at her first job or your future son working summers to save up for college, or your mother who is working three jobs to keep the bills paid. Whatever their story is, there is no excuse for them to give you bad service, and there is no excuse for you to be rude. It embarrasses to go out with people who  don't know how to conduct themselves in public. As rude as some service professionals have been to me, I always try to repeat myself the same mantra- "C'mon, Kat! Always a lady!"


Passive Aggressive Attacks:  SOME people should really blah, blah, blah.....We've all read those passive aggressive social network statuses or twitter feeds where someone casually drops a statement about some unnamed target or generalized "some people". You know damn well they are talking about someone, and you've probably thought at least one time, "Is this bitch talking about me?!" It's rare when I read someone asking that question directly, but when they do you get a quick, "No, no, not all at! I was totally talking about someone else...you don't know them...In fact, I'm not even friends with them here...." So, why are you shooting out some snarky little dig? Let's face it; we've all done it. I like to pick some obscure quote that fits my situation or mood perfectly, and I throw it up there, silently attacking the asshole who hurt me or pissed me off. However, you get those special few who like to do it over and over again. The fun game of trying to guess who they're talking about turns into an eye-roll inducing, "Christ Almighty! AGAIN with this shit?" Seriously, grow up. If you're going to call someone out for douchebaggery- then do what Destiny's Child tell you to do- "Say My Name".